I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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