The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
