last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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