weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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