I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
the day after is always just damage control
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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