He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My penis needs a shock collar
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize