She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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