I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
