So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
