Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
