He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
