The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
