Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
