his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
