Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
