i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
