that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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