You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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