Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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