return my video game
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I smell stomach acid.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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