Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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