Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
