you traded sex for a burrito?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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