do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
