so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
