That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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