i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
