i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My penis needs a shock collar
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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