i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
