Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
