Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
