I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
