Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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