I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize