Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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