separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
