The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
