from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
