My hair reeks of homosexuality.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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