WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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