Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Randomize
