I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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