Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
