my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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