You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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