Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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