question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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