i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Can you bring me the toilet please
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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