So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
