we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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