Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
