Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
