I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just gift wrapped bread.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
