I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
