I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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