I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
