i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
