you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
