the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
