Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
