I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
