I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
