yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
