Moan for me like Helen Keller
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
