Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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