On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
