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There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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